Wait? Date? Find a Soulmate?
September 22, 2015
High school is a place to get ready for college and be with your friends, but does it provide more? Can you perhaps even meet the love of your life in high school? Should you even focus on finding a high school sweetheart? Here are some stories from fellow Leyden student and teachers on what they think about romance in high school.
Forever Alone Or Nah?
Single and ready to mingle? Or is high school just not the right time to find someone? Leyden kids sometimes don’t have bad luck when it comes to establishing a relationship. Sometimes, they’re just single by choice. But what do they have to say about committed relationships in high school?
Q: Should high school love be a big deal? Like, is it a good or bad thing?
A: “It could be a good thing, it could be a bad thing. My aunt and uncle were together since high school and now they have three kids together, so it could be good, but if it’s not, I wouldn’t stress over it. Focusing on school at this stage is more important, at least to me. I’d rather get into a good college than to stress over a relationship.”
Rene Leyva, Senior
Q: What’s your opinion on high school love?
A: “I mean if you’re like those obnoxious Leyden couples that tend to make out in the middle of the hallway during passing period, I’m gonna need to ask you to tone it down a little. I might make my way through you. But other than that, as long as you stay out of my way, your high school love is none of my business, and it’s fine. Just keep it private. Don’t have it for everyone to see.”
Q: Is finding a high school partner a big deal for you?
A: “It’s not a big deal. I feel like I could see someone that I love in high school, as long as it’s the person I love, you know? I could find them. I don’t know if I will, and it doesn’t seem like I have, being single and all. But I can see it happening.”
(Hear that Leyden couples? Keep the PDA on the low please…)
Jared Eisenmann, Senior
Q: What’s your opinion on high school love and is it a big deal?
A: “It is a big deal to some people, where they really care about the person they’re with. Some people, I’ve seen them use their significant other just for sexual relations, but most of the time, it’s half and half. But I do think there is such a thing as true high school love.”
Q: If someone were to be interested in you right now, what would you do?
A: “I’d have to personally assess who they are and how they would affect my life, what our similarities are…I could definitely see considering it.”
So is being single such a bad thing? Everyone seems to have a different opinion, but being single is underrated. Look, your most important relationship is with yourself. Think about it, you’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. Might as well love yourself first.
Hope for the Hopeless Romantic
Love is a word that either gives you a feeling of butterflies in your stomach or the sensation of lunch coming back up. Some are okay with waiting for love to find them, but others are always looking for it. And sometimes, they may even get a little lost.
Though we’re only in high school, some believe that finding a partner soon is a big deal, thus they’re unhappy with the single life. So if you’re like that, have you ever wondered if you’re a hopeless romantic? High school sweethearts are cute and all, but if you try and force a long-term relationship to happen, then ask yourself: are you even ready for the tough reality and challenges of a committed relationship?
But what’s a hopeless romantic? There’s no exact definition for it since it’s all opinion, but I believe they’re the ones who are in love with the feeling of love.
According to teacher Lori Garcia, her understandings of a hopeless romantic are “someone who has allowed themselves to get swept up with the ideas of romance that are portrayed in the romcoms of Hollywood and bad YA literature.” Basically, when someone desperately pursues fictional romance, they lose hope because reality disappoints them.
Senior Robert Doody describes a hopeless romantic to be someone who wants to share and receive romantic affection but doesn’t genuinely care about their partner. “It’s like they’re using the person to release romantic frustration,” he added.
Everyone probably went through a phase of being a hopeless romantic. Sometimes it could only be with that one crush. Other times, the phase happens again or never ends. These phases come in different ways. For example, Mrs. Garcia said she was a hopeless romantic when she was on and off with a boy in high school. The relationship went on until college, but they kept getting back together because she thought that in the end, it’ll all work out…except that’s not how it ended. However, despite that heartbreak, guess who’s happily married with two adorable daughters?
Yet, in another scenario, a Leyden student said that he felt he was a hopeless romantic when he discovered that a girl he crushed on was already in a relationship. The feelings of lost hope and heartbreak got him to start liking another girl and rushing into things, only to realize that he ended up leading the girl on because his feelings disappeared just as quickly as they had come.
But hey, if you fall in love, then fall in love. But does it have to be now? Does it have to be in high school? I’ll admit, I was a hopeless romantic. I might still be! But it caused a lot of insecurities and feelings of loneliness, and it distracted me from school. Tired of it all, I gave up on looking for love. I’m not rushing anymore, and so I haven’t broken my own heart. As social worker Meg Goins had told me, being a hopeless romantic can be a set-up for disappointment.
When you fall in love, no matter when, just remember that love and romance are two different things. Love is appreciation, while romance is a quality of love. When it comes to showing affection, there’s also a line between romantic and creepy. Creepy is usually when the “lover” overdoes all the romantic gestures and persists on doing them even when the “loved” has clearly rejected the lover’s approaches. So remember, no means no, and don’t be afraid to say no. A nice gesture doesn’t mean you owe the person your heart or body.
If you just really want to marry a high school sweetheart though, or have that cute romantic story in general…then I’m sorry, but maybe you shouldn’t be falling in love. You fall in love because of the person, not the idea or the chance to maybe be an inspiration for a John Green novel. Love is about appreciation, not possession. So if you ever wonder if you genuinely love a person, think: is your love for them conditional? If they rejected you, will you become bitter? Or will you thank them for their time and still think they’re amazing? If you see them with someone else, will you be jealous? Or will you be happy that they’re happy?
If you’re a hopeless romantic, don’t feel bad. We’ve all been there. However, just let love find you or look for it when you’re ready. If you’re just going to use the person you “like” to have a label or an escape for your romantic or sexual frustrations, then you’re not ready. Desperation isn’t love, and it’ll bring a lot of problems later on in the relationship.
But there is hope! Like with Mrs. Garcia’s story, she was able to find a new guy and be happily married. Like with my dad, who’s first engagement got cancelled because his fiancee’s parents didn’t like him, he found someone new a year later who eventually became my mom. Like with me, who decided to give myself a break from looking, was found by a nice guy in California during a college visit. And who knows, when I go to college there, maybe we can finally be together. Love is patient, and you should be too.
5 Things That Can Mean You’re Not Fit For Long Term
Are you ready for a commitment? Some may think they are, but they really aren’t. Here are 5 signs that says you’re not.
- You take forever to respond to texts
Responding ten minutes later? Okay that’s normal. Taking three hours to respond to a simple text? Something doesn’t seem right here. Maybe you just aren’t texting the right people, or you’re at a crazy point in your life, but if it takes that long to respond, it’ll be a struggle finding someone that’ll stick around.
2. You’re indecisive
“But guys, really, which one?!.. Red or brown shoes??” If this is you, it’s safe to say a long term relationship is too big of a decision for you to make at the moment.
3. You can barely find the time to breathe
Looking at your schedule, you’re thinking maybe a manager isn’t such a crazy idea. It’s hard to have time for love when you barely have time to take a breather.
4. You’re too in love with yourself
One look at your reflection and your head over heels in love all over again… with yourself. Maybe you don’t need a significant other. Perhaps all you really need is a mirror and a front facing camera.
5. You’re not one to be an open book
Relationships are all about communication, and if you find yourself struggling to even share what your favorite ice cream flavor is, you may have a problem here.
Ever After High School
Whether or not you have a high school sweetheart of your own, it’s fascinating to picture what a couple’s life will look like a few years down the road. There’s always that uncertainty that lies ahead. Will you two still be together in five years? Will that special someone end up being the one? Will you find someone else to love at college or at work? The only certain way to find out whether long-term relationships in high school are a good idea or not besides letting it all unfold and play out for itself. A less scary alternative to help guide us through this time of uncertainty: seek advice from those who lived through it already.
Kurt Schuett, an English teacher, dated a girl his junior year of high school all the way up to the beginning of his sophomore year of college. While he attended school in Missouri, his girlfriend went to school in Indiana, making that a solid 7-8 hour travel time apart from each other. On top of this, they were both actively involved, but they managed to make it work until that first month of sophomore year when they opted to part ways. After having been through his own long-lasting relationship, Mr. Schuett came away with this advice: “At the high school level, it’s important to date a variety of different people – and even in your first couple years of college.” To him, it’s important to get a sense of what kind of people are out there, and the only way to figure out which kind of people you click with, is to go out and date them. The earlier one starts casually dating, the better chance they have of finding someone they can see themselves being with for a very long time.
Since we’re all in high school at the moment, it’s especially important to keep things light, according to Mr. Schuett. He explained that there are just “so many more important things for you to put your time and energy towards.” Between a rigorous course load, sports, clubs, a job, and maybe some other activities out of school, maintaining a relationship could be a little too much for some people. Relationships take a lot of time and effort to maintain, but so do grades. It’s important to prioritize at this stage in our lives, and since “you have the rest of your life to worry about it (long-term relationships),” Schuett believes school should be at the top of your priorities.
A common mistake high schoolers make is making their choice about where to attend college based on where their significant other wants to go. Mr. Schuett explained that he strongly suggests you don’t ever pick a college based on your high school sweethearts wants. It’s all about finding the perfect fit for you. Not only that, but who knows – you and your high school sweet heart may not even last through college, leaving you at a school you were never really too fond of to begin with. This is why it’s all about being independent at this point in your life. While having someone there to support you through your endeavors, he says that it’s important to remember that people come and go so “you have to learn to become self-supportive.” If you do decide it’s a good time for a long-term relationship, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. As long as you date someone mature that will allow you to grow, you’re okay, says Mr. Schuett, but at the same time, he believes “most people will find their significant others after high school.” He didn’t actually find his until well after some casual dating and finally settling down to that one person who was just the right fit for him.
Math teacher Jerome Patt is one of those rare success stories. He had met his high school sweetheart his freshman year of high school, but they didn’t start dating until second semester of their senior year, and they’ve been together ever since. It seemed like an unlikely pair from the start, as he explained, since they we’re completely different, but “when you know, you know, and I knew.”
For those of you that are scared of commitment, or are afraid of picking the wrong “one,” Patt advises you just relax and breathe. It’s natural to have anxiety over whom you might want to spend the rest of your life with, but at the same time, this is the time to dip your toes into the pond of dating. As he put it, “someone that has never had that won’t know what it’s like until they know what it’s like. You simply can’t describe it to someone that’s never had it,” and in his case, “I knew and she knew that we would probably get married.” Sometimes it’s just that simple.
Either way, however you choose to experience high school is completely up to you. You can either take the advice of Mr. Patt, and “Don’t sweat the small stuff because “if you know, you know, and if it doesn’t really matter to you, don’t fight about it.” Or you can follow the words of Mr. Schuett because “There’s no reason to get serious on the high school level. Keep things light. Have lot’s of friends, go on lot’s of dates with different people, and get a feel for the type of personality that’s going to be best suited for you.” In the end, it’s about discovering more about yourself during this time of your life.