Watching over East Leyden

Hope for the Hopeless Romantic

Hope for the Hopeless Romantic

Love is a word that either gives you a feeling of butterflies in your stomach or the sensation of lunch coming back up. Some are okay with waiting for love to find them, but others are always looking for it. And sometimes, they may even get a little lost.

Though we’re only in high school, some believe that finding a partner soon is a big deal, thus they’re unhappy with the single life. So if you’re like that, have you ever wondered if you’re a hopeless romantic? High school sweethearts are cute and all, but if you try and force a long-term relationship to happen, then ask yourself: are you even ready for the tough reality and challenges of a committed relationship?

But what’s a hopeless romantic? There’s no exact definition for it since it’s all opinion, but I believe they’re the ones who are in love with the feeling of love.

According to teacher Lori Garcia, her understandings of a hopeless romantic are “someone who has allowed themselves to get swept up with the ideas of romance that are portrayed in the romcoms of Hollywood and bad YA literature.” Basically, when someone desperately pursues fictional romance, they lose hope because reality disappoints them.

Senior Robert Doody describes a hopeless romantic to be someone who wants to share and receive romantic affection but doesn’t genuinely care about their partner. “It’s like they’re using the person to release romantic frustration,” he added.

Everyone probably went through a phase of being a hopeless romantic. Sometimes it could only be with that one crush. Other times, the phase happens again or never ends. These phases come in different ways. For example, Mrs. Garcia said she was a hopeless romantic when she was on and off with a boy in high school. The relationship went on until college, but they kept getting back together because she thought that in the end, it’ll all work out…except that’s not how it ended. However, despite that heartbreak, guess who’s happily married with two adorable daughters?

Yet, in another scenario, a Leyden student said that he felt he was a hopeless romantic when he discovered that a girl he crushed on was already in a relationship. The feelings of lost hope and heartbreak got him to start liking another girl and rushing into things, only to realize that he ended up leading the girl on because his feelings disappeared just as quickly as they had come.

But hey, if you fall in love, then fall in love. But does it have to be now? Does it have to be in high school? I’ll admit, I was a hopeless romantic. I might still be! But it caused a lot of insecurities and feelings of loneliness, and it distracted me from school. Tired of it all, I gave up on looking for love. I’m not rushing anymore, and so I haven’t broken my own heart. As social worker Meg Goins had told me, being a hopeless romantic can be a set-up for disappointment.  

When you fall in love, no matter when, just remember that love and romance are two different things. Love is appreciation, while romance is a quality of love. When it comes to showing affection, there’s also a line between romantic and creepy. Creepy is usually when the “lover” overdoes all the romantic gestures and persists on doing them even when the “loved” has clearly rejected the lover’s approaches. So remember, no means no, and don’t be afraid to say no. A nice gesture doesn’t mean you owe the person your heart or body.

If you just really want to marry a high school sweetheart though, or have that cute romantic story in general…then I’m sorry, but maybe you shouldn’t be falling in love. You fall in love because of the person, not the idea or the chance to maybe be an inspiration for a John Green novel. Love is about appreciation, not possession. So if you ever wonder if you genuinely love a person, think: is your love for them conditional? If they rejected you, will you become bitter? Or will you thank them for their time and still think they’re amazing? If you see them with someone else, will you be jealous? Or will you be happy that they’re happy?

If you’re a hopeless romantic, don’t feel bad. We’ve all been there. However, just let love find you or look for it when you’re ready. If you’re just going to use the person you “like” to have a label or an escape for your romantic or sexual frustrations, then you’re not ready. Desperation isn’t love, and it’ll bring a lot of problems later on in the relationship.

But there is hope! Like with Mrs. Garcia’s story, she was able to find a new guy and be happily married. Like with my dad, who’s first engagement got cancelled because his fiancee’s parents didn’t like him, he found someone new a year later who eventually became my mom. Like with me, who decided to give myself a break from looking, was found by a nice guy in California during a college visit. And who knows, when I go to college there, maybe we can finally be together. Love is patient, and you should be too.

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