Honors Blog #4

A white little round bottle sits on the edge of the counter. Inside 5 little yellow pills left. Only 5 chances to stop a panic attack, 5 chances to stop the spins, 5 chances to feel normal. Yet once those pills are gone the feeling will roll back in, the spinning, the panic, and the anger will fill the body all until it becomes too much. For many patients similar to that of Samantha, pills for anxiety disorders are their only ticket into reality and only opportunity to live somewhat of a normal life. They become dependent on their medication and fear a life without it as their body and mind will fight them back and they cannot control the endless thoughts. The pills become an addiction to ease their mind similar to the need of an alcoholic or drug abuser. In the situation of Samantha in the novel “I don’t want to be crazy”, she is fully dependent on her medication in order to live a normal life. Unfortunately no one other than her best friend understands the unique situation which she is wrapped inside of. 

Samantha is offered an opportunity of a lifetime to study abroad with friends in France and experience the culture and traditions hands on for a semester. Yet her mind drifts her to dark places and all she yearns is to be home in her bed. Her friends give her a hard time and don’t understand the seriousness of the situation which Sam fights with. I believe society should become more aware of the seriousness and mental fight that individuals with anxiety suffer from. Panic attacks and loneliness are just two or many symptoms that are masked and ignored my society, making it hard to understand the thoughts of the suffering. Individuals are looked down at and are thought of making a scene, when in reality they want anything but to be the center of attention. They want space, distance, and privacy to scream and cry as their mind controls their every thought. Their bodies freeze, their limbs go numb, and they feel trapped wanting nothing more than to let go. 

The novel has given me insight into direct thoughts and experiences of an individual battling anxiety. It has opened my eyes to understand “talking it out” makes the situation worse and the only thing that will ease their mind is a little yellow pill that puts life back into perspective. Society should become better educated on this easily brushed off topic of anxiety and understand its severity to help guide individuals in their life and appropriately address situations that exist.